


Lost Boy

by SophiexHorayne



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Denial, Gay, M/M, Sexuality, YouTubers - Freeform, insecure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-12-17 10:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11849766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiexHorayne/pseuds/SophiexHorayne
Summary: Joe is afraid of so many things, lightening when he was a little boy, crowds and busy bustling tube stations, growing old, what the future has to hold for him. But more than anything, he is afraid of the butterflies and the tingles in his body when he is near or thinking of Caspar Lee.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Yep I have another story, angsty because I don't know I write that best. Hope you enjoy all the same

Somehow, Caspar Lee always has a way of making Joe smile. Even way back when, as Joe watched Caspar's little younows with his crap wifi connection, even when he peered his head round a door to wave shyly when Alfie or someone was on facetime to him, the thought of him always brightened Joe's dull, lonely country life.

Meeting him felt like a dream. He'd been so shy, but he managed to talk, always unable to stand awkward silences. And he and Caspar got on straight away, giggling their way through their first ever collabs, teasing one another like they'd been friends for years during their first ever fifa game together. Joe couldn't help but feel rather afraid, when he is alone again in his little bedroom after Caspar leaves- because they got along so _well_ that it doesn't seem possible or real or right.

He pushes the little fear and anxiety away, and it's a yes when Caspar asks if they can move in together. Joe could not help but be excited, as he watched Caspar talk about what curtains could work in this room and where they could move this bed and what duvet cover to have to match this wall, and it makes Joe smile, just watching Caspar.

That scared him too.

He had never _clicked_ with a person so fast before, he'd never _understood_ a person so easily before, and he's never let himself _feel_ this way before, not like this, not this real and deep and desperate. And he has never been this lost, this _afraid_ before.


	2. Roommates Look Out For Each Other

For the first three days neither of them leave their new apartment (besides a trip to the supermarket on the first day for necessities) once. They unpack the few items they brought, since they were renting there was little they really needed, they make their beds, they play fifa, lots of fifa.

For dinner they order takeouts, chinese, curry, pizza. On the third night, lazing around, basking in one another's presence like they had known nothing else, they have pizza. The two pizza boxes lie on the coffee table while the two lie against one another, lazily playing fifa, giggling and cursing at the game.

Joe's never been like this before, he loves the outdoors, and to never go out- his head does feel a little fuzzy now. But he doesn't mind, as he half lies across Caspar's chest, staring at the television screen, controlling his players. He doesn't eat much usually either, but now he's had almost 3/4 of his pizza, more than he can normally manage.

And Joe hates to admit it but he has never been this close to a boy, physically. Not really. He doesn't like friends touching his hair or cuddling him or any contact at all but now, with Caspar, somehow it's different.

The thought makes him sit up rather suddenly, leaving Caspar's body cold and empty. He doesn't look at Caspar, but he can feel Caspar looking at him, like he has stopped playing all together for a moment just to look at him. Joe's cheeks are red, burning and suddenly the feel of all that pizza is churning wildly in his stomach.

"Joe are you okay?"

Finally Joe looks away from the television, and lets his fingers drop the controller onto his lap. He feels like he's melting, burning up.

"Fine." He squeaks, shivering suddenly, "Probably just ate too much."

"Are you going to be sick?"

Truthfully, Joe isn't sure but he shakes his head towards Caspar, "I'll be fine." He forces a smile and turns back to the game, but still he can feel Caspar's eyes on him.

After the game, as the early hours of the morning roll by, Joe decides to go to bed, muttering goodnight to Caspar and pattering down the stairs. For some reason hot tears threaten behind his eyes. He wipes them hurriedly and closes his eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay?" A soft, South African voice asks from the door way after Joe is curled up beneath his bed covers.

Joe opens his eyes and looks across at Caspar. It's dark in his room but Caspar's outline is highlighted by the light in the hallway.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just ate to much."

"Do you think you'll be sick? I can get you a bucket, or something, a bin maybe."

"No I'll be fine." Joe assures him, pulling his duvet higher up his body.

"It's just, you’re my roommate now. Roommates look out for each other.” Although when Caspar thinks of Alfie he never felt this worried if he was ill. Perhaps because he knew Alfie better, and Joe looks so small and vulnerable wrapped up in his duvet like that. “Or I can sleep here with you, just in case-“

“I’m fine, Caspar.” Joe promises, staring over at Caspar’s silhouette leaning on the door frame. But he thinks of his friend’s body warmth and thinks he wouldn’t really mind Caspar sleeping beside him, “Really.” He says nonetheless, “I’ll be okay Caspar, go to sleep.”

Caspar stands there just a little longer, “Okay.” He says softly, “Goodnight Joe.”

“Night.” Joe closes his eyes and does not watch as Caspar leaves. But he opens them not long after, and gazes at the now closed door, thinking about everything and nothing at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was gonna write more for this but eh I got writers block and it’s been so long since I updated oops


End file.
